Whether you're thinking about leaving, in the middle of it, or rebuilding from the other side — this page is for you. Practical, honest, and free.
If you're worried about someone checking your browsing history, you can open this page in a private or incognito window. After reading, you can close the tab and it won't appear in your history. If you're in immediate danger, call 999. For confidential support, the National DA Helpline is free and available 24/7 on 0808 2000 247.
You don't have to be ready. You don't have to have a plan. But if you're thinking about it, this is a good place to start.
Before you do anything else, tell one person you trust what is happening — a friend, a family member, or a colleague who won't tell your partner. You don't need to have all the answers. You just need one person in your corner who knows.
A safety plan is simply a practical set of decisions you make in advance, so you don't have to think on the spot in a difficult moment. It might include where you would go, who you'd call first, and what you'd take with you. Women's Aid has a free, guided safety planning tool at womensaid.org.uk.
Having a bag ready gives you options. Keep it somewhere safe — with a trusted friend or family member is ideal. Include: ID documents (passport, birth certificate, National Insurance card), bank cards and some cash if possible, phone and charger, prescription medication, a change of clothes, and any important documents (like a tenancy agreement, mortgage paperwork, or car insurance). A photo on your phone of important documents is also better than nothing.
If you're worried about being monitored online, use a private or incognito window when researching (it won't appear in your browser history). Use a device your partner doesn't have access to where possible — a work phone, a library computer, or a trusted friend's phone. Be careful with email too — if you set up a new email account, don't access it from a shared or monitored device. If you think your phone may have tracking or monitoring software on it, the National DA Helpline can advise you.
You can call a helpline, join a community, or speak to a professional without having made any decisions yet. There is no minimum threshold of abuse that qualifies you for support. If something doesn't feel right, that is enough.
Many women don't realise what counts as evidence — or they wait until it feels "serious enough." But patterns matter, and you can start recording them right now.
You don't need to have been physically hurt for evidence to matter. Emotional abuse, coercive control, financial abuse, and harassment are all taken seriously by the police and courts — but they are harder to prove without a record. Building one, quietly and carefully, is one of the most important things you can do for yourself.
This is not about building a legal case right now. It's about making sure that if you ever need one, the evidence is there.
Every time something happens, write it down as soon as you can — date, time, what was said or done, how it made you feel, and whether anyone else witnessed it. You can use a notebook kept somewhere safe, a private notes app, or a new email account that you email entries to. Consistency and detail matter more than length. Even if it feels minor, record it. Patterns are what prosecutors and solicitors look for.
Save threatening, controlling, or abusive messages — texts, WhatsApps, emails, DMs on any platform. Screenshot them and include the date and contact name visible in the image where possible. Some platforms let you export your full message history — this can be more reliable than screenshots alone. Send copies to a private email account your partner doesn't know about, or to a trusted friend or family member who can hold them for you.
If you have been physically hurt or property has been damaged, photograph it as soon as it's safe to do so. Make sure the photos are dated (most phones embed this automatically) and store them somewhere your partner can't access — a cloud account they don't know about, or sent to a trusted person.
If you've experienced financial abuse — money being controlled, accounts being restricted, debt being put in your name — save bank statements, credit card statements, and anything showing your financial situation. Screenshots of denied access to joint accounts, or messages about money and control, all count.
If you have ever visited a doctor, hospital, or GP for anything related to the abuse — physically or mentally — make a note of the date and what was discussed. If you have ever called the police, even if no action was taken, a record of that call exists. Ask the police for a crime reference number — even just having one protects you by showing a history of contact.
Use a private cloud account (Google Drive, iCloud, Dropbox) that your partner doesn't have access to and that isn't linked to a shared email. Or email evidence to a trusted friend or family member who can hold it for you. Make sure you're not logged into these accounts on any shared or monitored devices.
Do not let your partner know you are collecting evidence. Do not save anything to a shared device, shared cloud storage (like a shared iCloud or Google account), or anywhere they could access. If you're unsure whether a device is being monitored, speak to the National DA Helpline — they can advise you on digital safety. This is about protecting yourself quietly, until you are safe enough not to need to.
This page is not legal advice — it's practical guidance based on lived experience and publicly available information. If you want to understand how to use evidence you've gathered, a solicitor who specialises in domestic abuse, or an organisation like Women's Aid or Refuge, can guide you. Many offer free initial consultations. Citizens Advice can also help you understand your legal rights at no cost.
Leaving isn't one moment. It's a hundred small decisions. Every one of them counts.— Emma Knight, Founder of The Safe Space Place
Financial control is one of the most common forms of abuse — and one of the biggest barriers to leaving. You are not starting from zero. You are starting from experience.
If you don't have a bank account in your own name, opening one is one of the most important steps you can take. You can open an account without your partner knowing. Many banks have domestic abuse policies and dedicated support teams — including Lloyds, NatWest, Barclays, and HSBC UK. Tell them your situation and ask what they can do — many will ensure correspondence doesn't reach a shared address.
If you're leaving or have recently left, you may be entitled to Universal Credit, Housing Benefit, or other support. Turn2Us has a free benefits calculator and a grants search to find emergency financial help. Citizens Advice can also help you understand your entitlements quickly and for free.
The Surviving Economic Abuse charity specialises in financial abuse and can help you access emergency support. Some local councils also have hardship funds for women leaving abusive relationships — ask your local authority or a refuge for help accessing these.
If you need to leave your home, you have more options than you might think. Refuges provide free emergency accommodation and support. Your local council has a duty to rehouse you if you're fleeing domestic abuse. Women's Aid and Refuge can help you find a safe place quickly — even if it feels impossible right now.
If you own a home jointly, or your name is on a tenancy, you have rights — even if you leave. A solicitor specialising in domestic abuse can advise you on occupation orders, non-molestation orders, and financial settlements. Many offer a free first appointment. Citizens Advice can point you to legal aid if cost is a barrier.
If you have joint debt or debt that was put in your name without your full consent, you are not automatically responsible for all of it. Surviving Economic Abuse can advise. StepChange offers free debt advice and can help you understand your options without judgement.
Whether you've been out of work for months or years — because of abuse, coercive control, or simply survival — your career is not over. It's just been on hold.
A gap in your CV is just a gap. You are not obligated to explain it to a potential employer, and you certainly don't owe them the full story. "Personal circumstances" or "family commitments" are widely accepted and understood. Focus on what you bring to the role, not what you've been through to get there.
Many larger employers now run "returnship" programmes specifically for people who've had career breaks. These are structured routes back into the workforce — often paid, with training and support built in. Search for "returnship UK" or "career restart programme" alongside your industry. Organisations like Women in Tech, Women Returners, and Smart Works exist specifically to help women re-enter the workforce with confidence.
There are free and low-cost ways to update your skills and add recent activity to your CV. Google Career Certificates, LinkedIn Learning (free via most UK public libraries), and Coursera all offer recognised qualifications. Even a short course completed in the last few months can show momentum and initiative to a prospective employer.
A good recruitment consultant can be a real ally — they know which employers are flexible, which are open to career returners, and how to position your experience well. Be honest with them about the fact that you've had a career break and are returning. You don't need to say why. Agencies like Reed, Hays, and Robert Half are widely available, and many smaller boutique agencies specialise in specific industries and have a more personal approach.
Returning to work doesn't have to mean a full-time permanent job from day one. Temping, freelancing, or part-time roles can be a way to rebuild your confidence, your routine, and your financial independence at a pace that works for you. There is no wrong way to do this.
Smart Works is a UK charity that provides free professional clothing and interview coaching for women who need it most. If you have a job interview and don't have what you need, they can help. Find your nearest centre at smartworks.org.uk.
All of the organisations below are free and confidential. You don't have to be ready to leave to call. You just have to be ready to talk.
Free, confidential support for women experiencing domestic abuse, at any stage.
0808 2000 247Life-saving services, a survivor's handbook, live chat support, and a directory of local services.
The UK's largest domestic abuse organisation — refuge, crisis support, and specialist advocacy services.
Specialist support for women experiencing financial abuse, with practical tools and guidance.
Free, independent advice on legal rights, benefits, housing, debt, and more — online, by phone, or in person.
Benefits calculator and grants search to help you find the financial support you may be entitled to.
Support for LGBT+ people experiencing domestic abuse, sexual violence, or hate crime.
Working to end domestic abuse — resources and tools for survivors and professionals.
24/7 confidential support for anyone affected by domestic violence in the US.
1-800-799-7233The Safe Space Place community is full of women who've been exactly where you are. If you want to talk to someone who genuinely understands — not a helpline, not a professional, just someone who gets it — come and find us.
Free to join, always. No pressure, no judgement.